I have spent the last two days trying to write about Melanie and Ben’s wedding weekend. After 1300 words (far too many in blogland) and not even getting to the ceremony—it suddenly hit me that I was trying to graphically recount what occurred. I wanted a reader to "see" what it was like to be there—an impossible task. Then it hit me, maybe it is more important to share what the weekend was all about—something closer to my heart.
While the details were lovely—the venue on the water overlooking the water in Sebasco Harbor, Maine and the flowers, outside and in--those details were more a backdrop for what began to emerge. It seemed there was bit of magic in the air (and I am sure many mom's feel this way) but some of that was because of what did not happen.
The weekend was not a staged production. While much careful planning and work went into gathering 165 people together, Melanie and Ben (along with their four parents) wanted most to focus on assuring that those who made the huge effort to come would feel welcomed, comfortable, have fun, and hopefully make new connections.
As it turned out, the weekend was not about the weather—which it could have been given the forecast leading up to it. The predicted Nor’easter not only did not materialize, those who came, bemoaned the fact that they did not bring shorts. Brilliant sunshine for two days and a cloudy wedding day made for perfect weather to congregate outside, enjoying the late spring blooms and taking pictures--hundreds of pictures.
The weekend was not about perfection. So what if the ring bearer—Jackson—decided not to walk down the aisle preferring to hold Dad’s hand up front? Not a problem. The cries of babies and shout outs asking Jackson if he wanted to play as the wedding party came down the aisle? Perfect! A bit of fog and chill in the air as the service ended? All the better for pictures.
And the weekend was not about cancer—or overcoming cancer—in fact, I did not hear the word mentioned all weekend. On Thursday, I took off my Livestrong bracelet, as did Melanie. Not a person there needed a reminder to Live Strong. That was what the weekend celebrated—living strong, and fully and well.
So what was it about?
It was certainly about family—four generations on every side of Hodgman’s, Fields, Richmond/Foote and Odenwald’s--the youngest only days old and some elders in their 90’s. Uncles, aunts, cousins at every turn graced the celebrations with joy. (The Hodgman/Field clan having remarkable numbers of them! I am still trying to get Don and Marfy’s brothers and sisters straight. ) With immediate family staying in the same building, Ben’s parents, brother, Roy and his fiance passed our grands around as if they were their own. Justin, Farracy, Jackson, and Cooper played their way through the weekend with cousins and great grandparents they seldom see, and every time Jackson called his Uncle Ben Ben, I smiled knowing that once again, the clan was growing, welcoming more love into the world.
This weekend was certainly about friendship--friendship going back to their childhood. Melanie and Ben's friends, who had played together from toddlerhood, came to raise toasts—now perfectly legal. Family friends who had vacationed together, worked together, gone through hard times as well as good came. Those who had followed Melanie and Ben’s wandering ways from a distance came to meet the person who made their friend’s heart sing. And there were friends recently made in Seattle who traveled to celebrate together.
The weekend was about being present as the days unfolded with Melanie and Ben setting the tone: greeting each person arriving and departing, making introductions and meeting folks for the first time who at the end of the weekend were going to be part of their new family. Throughout the weekend I paid attention as Melanie and Ben took the time to be present to each other--often sneaking off for just a couple of moments to touch base or send a note on their wedding day.
Surprises were also in the cards for Ben and Melanie—two engraved carabineers carrying the rings down the aisle on Jackson’s belt loops; a cloud of bubbles greeting the newly pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Hodgman; fireworks at midnight outside the wedding suite over the water, (yes sir officer, that won’t happen again); not to mention a flash mob dance lead by Don, Marfy, Chris and yours truly. (The look on Ben and Mel’s face when the floor filled with dancers doing synchronized dance steps--priceless!)
As folks gathered there was a growing willingness to fully enter into the fun. While perhaps it was not everyone’s first choice to be part of a scavenger hunt on the wedding morning, folks showed up. As teams consisting of every possible combination of aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins and more cousins, childhood and adult friends raced around the property; pyramids of Outward Bounders formed; uncles and aunts were hunted down to sign autographs; poems to the bride and groom were composed; and a community was formed. (The prize of the huge martini glass filled with M&M's was hotly contested!) Then there those intrepid Outward Bound folks (and one of my cousins) who followed the bride and groom as they jumped into 46 degree water the morning after the wedding. A baptism for the new couple.
The weekend was about living close to the earth. Surrounded by water, trees, and sky, folks played outdoors—relishing the sun, kayaking, walking on the beach, playing bocce (who ever heard of power bocce?) and shuffleboard, creating pick-up whiffle ball and frisbee games. And party rooms reflecting the outside world-- scented with lilacs, peonies and hyacinths with fiddlehead ferns and birch logs peeking out. Tables named for the mountains loved by the new Hodgman’s with topographical maps as backdrop. Food was local and organic.
And of course, the weekend was about Love. The mutual love of family and friends for Melanie and Ben. The love passed down from generation to generation. The love of new life and the love of God’s blessing shining though. The love of a new home that Melanie and Ben have found in each other.
Finally, perhaps in the entire weekend was about blessing—blessing of Ben and Melanie as husband and wife witnessed by their family and friends. The formal part of that came in the wedding ceremony, but blessings were showering on them and us all weekend. While Melanie and Ben’s friend, and our family friend for years, Bill Harper, officiated at the service, they asked me to do the final blessing. As much as I wanted to do it, I had warned Melanie and Ben I was not sure I could without breaking down. (At the same time, reminding them that any tears were all about joy so deep that my heart was overflowing.) That morning practicing the short story I would tell before beginning the blessing, I sobbed. ( I mean really the boohoo --can't catch your breath sobbed.) I practiced again and I cried--but less. By the fifth or sixth try I was just barely holding back tears, and thought I could do it. Then when Melanie appeared from behind the tree walking on Chris’ arm so beautiful and confident with the biggest Melanie smile ever, and when I saw Ben’s face beckoning her to his side, I knew I would be ok. So bless them I did with these words ending our collective prayer for them:
Now, O God, you have shown us that in giving away our lives in love we discover the unity of all creation. Send therefore your blessing on these your children, created, loved and known by you from the beginning of time. Give them grace that they may love and honor each other in faithfulness and patience and wisdom; and let their life and home be a haven of blessing and peace for all. Amen.
That was what this weekend was all about.
Amen and amen…
P.S. And if you want to see the blog post from an "outsider" and a few visuals by our fabulous photographer Brian Wedge, just follow this link. Turns out he is also a former Outward Bound instructor (among many things) and he and his wife give 1% of their proceeds to cancer research in honor of his sister, Lea who is a leukemia survivor.
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