What ever happened to normal?

Have you ever had one of those times when your life has been disrupted for a while? Then a shift happens and you realize you’re over the hump; life will settle down. I had just begun feeling that way in the spring of 2004 after a topsy-turvy fall and winter.  After years of an empty nest (a transition I found challenging –to put it mildly) ”normal” was Chris and I and our 4 year old black lab, living in a condo overlooking Boston Harbor. We had been pretty much on our own for five years since our youngest went to college. But in the fall of 2003 that changed. The first to return to the nest was Melanie. After four years at Colorado College, a semester circumnavigating the world with Semester at Sea, summers hiking and backpacking, and a year in California teaching Orange County kids science in the Southern California mountains, she came home to re-group and figure out what she might want to do next in her life.  A few months later came our son and daughter-in-law. A recent graduate of Vancouver Film School, Justin and Farracy needed a place to live while job hunting.  In October, I had finished working as an interim priest in a church and was waiting for an assignment to a new church; Chris was beginning consulting work from home.

Our spacious for-two condo became a sea of shoes, jackets, soda cans, suitcases, books, and computers, strewn about.  Not knowing we were going to have quite such a full house, Chris and I had recently adopted a second black lab puppy. “Normal” became hectic, crowded, full of laughter, and sprinkled with anxiety as we each dealt with the question, What’s next in my life? 

Mid-January, Justin was the first to land a job in San Francisco, working as an animator in a video game studio.  (Too far away for my way of thinking, but it was a great job).  February 1, they were off driving across the country. By spring, Melanie had decided to blend her passions for the mountains and the environment by working on an organic farm in Burlington, VT.  

The six months had been full and rich, if a little exhausting, but honestly, Chris and I were ready to go back to our old normal. By early April, energized, excited, packed and ready go, Melanie had only one more item to check off her “to do” list before leaving.  She had a large swollen lymph node in her neck. (In typical Melanie fashion she had named it Poncho.)  Melanie assumed, and we agreed, that the node was a residual effect of what had been a long bout with an unnamed illness that had her lying on the couch for weeks, returning again and again to the doctor.  She was tested for mono, pneumonia, sinus infections as well as STD’s AIDS and a host of other diseases including a thyroid function test. Nothing came back positive and gradually she got better. We chalked up to some strange virus.  By April, I was not worried, simply relieved that she felt so much better and was ready to get on with her new venture.

Yep, it seemed that life was returning to normal until the call from the parking lot of the doctor’s office.  Melanie’s primary care doctor wanted her to meet with a “head and neck” doctor to have an ultrasound the next day. Concerned and a bit worried but certainly not panicked, (I did not know enough to be) I went with her to meet with an Otolaryngologist (who even knew there was such a specialty?)

The next morning, Melanie had an ultrasound and we waited—a harbinger of waits to come-- until called back in to view the results with the doctor. It did not take an expert eye to see that her neck was riddled with outsized lymph nodes. The doctor was upbeat but vague—even cryptic—as he talked us through the results pointing out one node after another. When Melanie asked it this could be the result of whatever she had in the winter, the doctor replied, “Well, that’s possible, but let’s do a biopsy to check it out.”

As we left, Melanie was most intent on getting the biopsy done so she could get on the road to VT. She was sure it was nothing; I was sure it was cancer.  But I did everything not to act like it. It was an acting job I would try to perfect for months to come, often with little success.  For the next few days, I tried worrying out of sight from Melanie.  Chris and I whispered in the night and laughed during the days with Melanie even as I felt “normal” slipping away.  (To be continued)