This month, Melanie is marrying my favorite future son-in-law, Ben; I could not be happier. Starting this blog, I committed myself to writing at least once a week, but it has not always been easy. Right now, life is so full. We just returned from a long weekend in Seattle that included visiting with grandchildren and Farracy, a tulip festival, and a fabulous party for the happy couple. Chris and I had the chance to meet their west coast friends and re-connect with the Harper family as well as all those Bainbridge Island women who have loved, supported and mothered Melanie for the last six years. (Shout-out to Carolyn, Kathy, Sara, and Annie!)
Coming home filled with such happiness and gratitude, it was impossible to even think about going back to recounting the bleak early cancer days. Yes, there is still cancer in Melanie’s life, but this month we are rejoicing—plain and simple. And this might be the perfect opportunity to remember and celebrate just a few of the many folks who have walked with our family these last seven.
In the early days of her cancer diagnosis, communicating by e-mail was pretty much all we could manage. What a relief, and joy, and surprise it was to find hugs from cyberspace every day when the computer came on. Melanie was showered with love in the form of calls, cards and packages, pajamas, and sweets, a box of flower cookies from high school friends, parcels with carefully selected DVD’s and crossword puzzle books, flowers delivered and a never-ending stream of cards. Every one lifted my heart a bit, too. Week after week, something arrived on the doorstep every day. (After about 2 months and the day finally came when the mail brought nothing Melanie said, “Guess no on loves me any more.”)
On May 28th, Melanie and Ben will be surrounded by so many folks who love them both, but today I acknowledge by name just a very few who were with her B.C., stuck with her over the years, and will be at her side as she starts this new chapter of her life together with Ben.
Standing up front will be brother, Justin (Groomsman) and his wife, Farracy (Grand Poobah, Lady of Honor) Living far away in California in 2004 and unable to come home, they sent flowers, bad poetry, stuffed animals, and checked in daily. Newly married, they even offered to have her live in the spare bedroom in their home (aka the Mel Hole) as she tried to re-orient her life after treatment.
Then there is Melanie’s childhood friend, Joanna. In 2004, a med student --now a pediatric neurologist and Bridesmaid-- Jo answered every phone call, shared her apartment in NY when Melanie had Sloan Kettering appointments, researched medical information, and just plain kept in touch when it that was not easy to do.
College friend Sus (Bridesmaid) (you have already heard of her mom, Sydney, the “drink a glass of water and take a walk” lady) lived in Cambridge, MA with her fiancé, Doug, when Melanie was first diagnosed. During those early weeks and months, they acted as lifelines to a world outside of cancer for Melanie. Understanding food restrictions, they somehow managed to show up with tasty treats at just the right moment. After a serious complication from her second surgery, when Melanie was in pain, and we were all discouraged and frightened, they came; literally crawling in our bed where Melanie was resting, they stayed on a Saturday evening just watching movies as Chris and I collapsed in the living room. For a few moments with her friends standing watch, we could let down our guard and take a deep breath. And when she began to heal, they were the ones who coaxed her out for an early evening of fun, took her camping, made her feel normal.
Officiating at the wedding will be Bill Harper, Episcopal priest, long time friend of the entire family, and the first person to take Melanie to the mountains as a fifteen year old in Washington State. After her surgeries, it was Bill who invited her to help lead a twelve-day pilgrimage to the wilderness with teenagers, a trip that came at a time when she needed to feel alive and be reminded of who she is. That trek was perhaps where the seeds of her work for True North Treks were first planted. (Later, Bill also invited Ben to lead portions of his pilgrimages. Who better to officiate at such a celebration?)
So many have showed up for our family over the years; we are grateful beyond measure. And today I salute some who will stand with Melanie on a joyous day in May. Justin, Farr, Jo, Sus, and Bill, I send a cyber hugs to each one of you.
